The great thing about the Internet is that you can ostensibly never leave your house. You can shop, order food, work, socialize, get medical advice…. really, the only thing you can’t actually do online is have a root canal. Or a Pap Smear, though rest assured, that’s coming soon enough.
You can also get, shall we call it, emotional guidance online. In fact, there are many sites that claim to be healing in one way or another, generally for a cost. One such site, which I came across this evening, is called “Happify.”
You sign up, answer a series of questions about your life and state of being, and then you choose a “track.” It’s a little like declaring a major, except not at all. I chose one called “Cope Better With Stress.”
The first activity involved writing down three things that make me grateful about my home life. Okay. That was easy enough, and I’ve heard that an “attitude of gratitude” can be a helpful thing. Why not?
And then, we moved on…
The second part of the evening’s venture involved clicking on a series of pictures of hot air balloons, making sure to select the ones with positive words, such as “cherish,” “kindness,” “hug,” “yay” and “glee.” Not sure if that last one refers to the emotion or the TV show. It was basically happy word Whack-A-Mole. That part, by the by, was called “Uplift.” Like balloons. Get it?
And then, we come to “Serenity Scene.” In this section, you choose a pretty scene and determine how long you wish to gaze at it. I imagine you are supposed to have serene thoughts whilst doing so.
“This must be what it’s like to be in a mental hospital,” I mused, as I stared at a rushing waterfall. “Is this venture more productive if one is sedated?”
The tasks for the evening completed, I don’t feel happier, but I do feel an expectation that someone is going to give me tapioca pudding and take me back to my room before group therapy.
And actually, the opportunity to be relentlessly and unapologetically mocking is pleasing to me, so in a roundabout way, I guess this cockamamie website did improve upon my happiness after all.
Thanks, Happify, you sneaky little bastard.